Many people can answer this by saying ‘I would never be in that situation.’ However, there are many other situations that happen every day that involves a lack of trust. There is no specific template for what to do when you find yourself in such a situation because everyone responds differently. How each person reacts depends on the type of relationship they are in, what they value in their relationship and how secure they feel in that relationship. If you find yourself in a situation where you don’t trust your partner there are many ways to go about dealing with it which include:
DETERMINE IF YOUR SUSPICIONS ARE TRUE
It’s understandable to sometimes suspect things about your partner but if you find that those suspicions are affecting your relationship and/or life it’s best to determine whether or not they are true. This can be done by asking yourself the following:
1. How do you know your suspicion is valid?
2. What does this suspicion say about the type of person your partner is?
3. What does this suspicion say about your relationship/how you view your relationship?
4. How would you feel if it turns out to be true?
5. Would the feeling that comes with knowing this suspicion is true to outweigh the feeling of not knowing?
Once you’ve answered these questions, do the math and see the ratio. Do the benefits of knowing to outweigh the costs of not knowing? If so, it’s time to move on and find out the truth.
DECIDE IF YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE TRUTH
If you’ve determined that you want to know the truth behind your suspicions, then this is where things get difficult. Deciding if you want to verify whether or not your suspicions are true does NOT mean that
ASK QUESTIONS TO GET A CLEAR PICTURE OF THE SITUATION
When you find yourself in a situation where you don’t trust your partner, it’s okay to ask questions about what they’re doing and who they’re with. However, asking questions in itself won’t lead to the truth. This is because the person you’re asking may lie instead of giving an honest answer. For example, if your partner was out late at night and you ask them where they were, that doesn’t mean they will tell you the truth. They might say that they were at home or anywhere but where they really were. To get a clear picture of the situation it’s important to be as specific as possible with your question.
“WHERE WERE YOU?” is too vague because you don’t know where they could have been which gives them the freedom to lie and still technically answer your question. Instead, try asking “What time did you leave work?” or “Where did you go after work?” This gives them less wiggle room for their answer.
If they do lie, it’s important to remember that there are always two sides to every story. It doesn’t mean that what they’re saying is true just because they say it is. Also, if the situation involves someone else, don’t immediately believe what the other person has to say. It doesn’t mean they’re lying but it would be naive of you to take their word for granted, especially if there’s a possibility that you two were in a fight or your partner is still upset about something. This can lead to taking sides which can end up causing more damage than good.
CONSIDER THERAPY
If you feel as though talking to a professional is right for you, don’t be against the idea of going to therapy. As stated by specialists on Washington City Paper, it is a good idea to talk with someone who has no prior attachment or knowledge of your relationship and can give you advice that is unbiased and not clouded by personal preference or bias.
At the end of the day, if you feel as though trusting your partner is a problem in your relationship there are ways to go about solving it. Remember that you cannot control what another person does or says but you have full control over how you allow that to affect yourself and your life.